You May Be a Poseur
You know Jeff Foxworthy’s classic saying, “You may be a redneck”. . . routine? Listen to my version of the poseur signs.
If you grown a goatee and mustache because you thought it would look good onstage, you may be a poseur.
If you are a young women who writes folky songs while watching Grey’s Anatomy, then your band slams brash, distorted guitars on top while you chirp out junior high lyrics, you may be a poseur.
If you think a 1974 Fender Strat is worth $1800, you may be a poseur.
If you’ve been pumping up the gym because you think you will look better wearing no shirt on stage, you may be a poseur.
If the crotch of your jeans is any lower than where Miami is on the map of Florida, you may be a poseur.
If you have changed the part in your hair over the last 6 months to the middle, you may be a poseur.
If it’s July and you are wearing combat boots that your mom bought for you, you may be a poseur.
If you worry constantly about being a poseur, you may be a poseur.
If anyone writes your band’s name on a school book cover made from made a grocery bag, you may be a poseur.
If you are a talented musician’s but play sloppy because you think its cool, you may be a poseur.
If are wearing a bandana around your head with a full head of hair, you may be a poseur.
If you ever picked up a guitar at a guitar store and start playing any Nirvana’s riffs, you may be a poseur.
If you’ve ever slapped your band’s sticker on the coin catcher on the turnpike, you may be a poseur.
If you carry your dirty clothes to the laundry mat in your gig bag, you may be a poseur.
If you are at the Hard Rock Café, standing under Ringo’s bass drum that says “The Beatles” and you act like no big deal, you may be a poseur.
If your CD cover has any thing to do with skulls, you may be a poseur.
If you beg your brother to roadie your gig, then order him around like Axl Rose, you may be a poseur.
If you are wearing a plastic laminate saying “All Access” and you aren’t even at a concert, you may be a poseur.
If you girlfriend goes out of her way to dress exactly like you, you may be a poseur.
If you spit light beer into the crowd, you may be a poseur.
If your guitar is slung low enough to kill ants, you may be a poseur.
If you puckered your lips in the promo pic, you may be a poseur.
If the amount of drums in your kit is more than the years you’ve been playing, you may be a poseur.
If you’ve used your law degree to turn down demo tapes, you may be a poseur.
If you use the word Seattle to describe your band’s sound, you may be a poseur.
If the entourage you bring to a gig (managers, roadies) is larger than your audience, you may be a poseur.
If you stop in the middle of a song because you broke a string, you may be a poseur.
If your guitar picks have your name imprinted on them, you may be a poseur.
If the club manager doesn’t complain about you jamming too loud, you may be a poseur.
If you sit at a computer writing complaints about everything having to do with the music business instead of actually going out and gigging, you may be a poseur.
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If you videotape yourself playing Metallica or Pantera then plaster it all over Youtube.You might be a poseur. If you hated Metallica in the 80s,but loved the black album.You might be a poseur.If you wear more hair spray and eyeliner than your sister.You might be a poseur.If you ever purchased a Poison or Faster Pussycat LP for youself.You might be a poseur.If you’ve only been playing an instrument for three years but your rig is worth $10,000.You might be a poseur.If you play at the local bar in front of 10 or 15 people and finish it with”thanks for coming out and keeping the scene alive;we love you all”You might be a poseur.If Starbucks is “where it’s at”.You might be a poseur.If you start playing an instrument so that one day you can be a “big and famous Rockstar”.You might be a poseur.If people who’ve seen you play gigs start nicknaming you things like “guitarface” or “cash register jaw”You might be a poseur.If you even care what kind of Beer you are spitting on the crowd.You might be a poseur and if your idea of origionality is taking a famous comedy routine and making it your own,then you really are a Poser!